November 5, 2011

The Hanging Man

Transitional periods suck. HURRY UP. Now WAIT. That's been my pace over the past few weeks. I'm a Philly locked in the gate, waiting for the alarm and the chance to run free. The waiting makes me anxious. The constant tension is a drain. How does one remain peaceful and calm when the dark clouds of "biggest challenge of your life" begin to loom on the horizon?

This is when fear takes over. It's the best part of a horror film and the absolute worst part of daily existence; the anticipation that something big is going to happen. I feel like a bra-less wonder in a white t-shirt fumbling around in the dark, left alone in my head without adult supervision. And here is the big fear: how big will this project get and will it be what I want it to be?

Is it enough to have something produced? In this industry, when there are so many hands involved in the creation of a project, how does a cohesive vision take place? Who gets the final say? Well... it's certainly not your Girl Friday here and that reality bites. The bigger it gets, the more my work is at the mercy of someone else. Some faceless executive in some bigger city...

I've spent all my time trying to be the biggest sparkle in the Ocean, hoping that something will bite. When it does, will I want it? What will I do with it? And thus, the waiting is awful.

But it's also a good time to hone some new skills. Like gutting a fish.


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