May 2, 2012

Bite Outta The Big Apple, Pt. 1

AND I'M BACK! Let me first just say, hella proud to be a Canadian. This truly the best country in the world. However, I will also say, "Brooklyn, CALL ME!" It's the pizza man, you can't beat it.
This was a very early birthday present and huge surprise from Momma Jane. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. Batteries are re-charged, my vision is clearer, and my inner lioness is ready to take on the world. NYC will do that to you. It will also make you believe that you have the right-of-way, all the time, and a God-given right to slam your fists into a taxi and yell "HEY! I'M WALKING HERE." See, pedestrians follow their own rules. It's Frogger, 24/7. 

Momma Jane: "Forget these f**** idiots! I'm following the rules of the road!"

We stayed at the Herald Square Hotel, the original publishing house of LIFE MAGAZINE that has been turned into an incredible boutique hotel. FACTS: As you see from the photo bellow, they supported (light) prostitution for high society ladies. Also, Michael Fassbender runs past the hotel in the film SHAME.

They should bring this back.

We had a gruelling schedule of 6am morning Starbucks, followed by a flurry of tourist activity: museums, sight-seeing, lunches, and art galleries. Around 2pm each day, I'm exhausted and overwhelmed by the amount of people around me. I'm a true north prairie girl. I like a lot of personal space. 

Empire State of Mind
Have to see NYC at night.

Wishes on confetti, released New Year's Eve
New World Trade Center
Times Square
Brooklyn in our sights

 Celebrity Sightings

Jeff Goldblum. Spotted in Soho. This was the first celebrity sighting and the first indication that Momma Jane was going to be a horrible wingman for spotting celebs as 1) she doesn't wear her glasses 2) has that 10 second "mom delay" when responding to her child and 3) has adult ADD and cannot pay attention to her surroundings, particularly if she hasn't had her morning coffee. So Momma Jane completely missed Jeff Goldblum and for several blocks later kept yelling, "What are you talking about?" Ugh...

[Gold-bloom] or [Gold-Blum]... "Why the fuck are you talking to me?"

Ain't NYC without SJP.
Sarah Jessica Parker. Who we apparently walked past, but Momma Jane didn't tell me till after. Identified by her super thin frame and characteristic mole.

To the bear: "I will FUCK you!"
Richard Kind was casually strolling down 5th Avenue towards Times Square. I was so excited, but intimidated by his cameo appearance in Head Case where he plays himself in a therapy session getting sexually aggressive with a teddy bear. So... I thought I'd keep to myself.

Shortly after attending the Soho Film Festival (more on that later), Momma Jane and I decided to stroll down the designer boutiques and take our time getting to know the neighbourhood. Now this... is painful. According to Momma Jane - who was wearing her glasses at the time - we walked right past Ryan Gosling. Now... (breathe)... she didn't tap, pinch, or poke me, nudge me, squeeze me, or (appropriate reaction) SCREAM "HOLY FUCK!" and point. No, she whispers casually, "You know who that was, right?"

I turn around and see a very well dressed man, 6'1 perhaps, sunglasses, humble Canadian vibe and he's going... going... gone. Could it be, that while I was off in my own little world, avoiding direct eye contact with members of the human race, that I walked past Ryan Gosling?  

Momma Jane is a huge fan. She got all embarrassingly flustered during Crazy, Stupid, Love. She's up on her celeb smutt and is an avid reader of Dlisted and Lainey Gossip (and, Momma Jane has her masters in Education, thank you every much.) So, she's a credible broad.  We even discussed our plan if we saw him: Momma Jane was going to casually fall in front of a Taxi in the street so he could save the day! So what's with the cooler-than-thou attitude?

Saving Lives. One Day at a Time.

I was seriously reduced to my 17-year old self with a braces-lisp, whining, "Mommm! GAWD!" I soothed myself by thinking that it couldn't possibly be... then we read this confirming Ryan Gosling in NYC and I'm seriously considering a divorce. Now Momma Jane knows, if Gosling is in the area, GET MY ATTENTION. Draw blood if you have to!! And stop being so damn cool. 

Christie Brinkley in Chicago. We were sitting in the third row. The man in front of us got spit on. And though I will say Ms. Brinkley is not known for her voice, she did a great job, is incredibly brave, and WOAH, what a body! Seriously, I wouldn't walk around with no pants and she rocked it in her mid-50's. Inspiring!

Next Up: Harlem, Soho Film Festival, the merits of Modern Art, and the mother/daughter throw down!


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