May 21, 2013

The "Manager"


The Scene: A downtown restaurant we'll just call Hoey Tornado's. A waitress shows up to her shift to discover a co-worker RALF has mistakenly taken her section. He wasn't scheduled to work and should have been sent home. Here's what happened instead.

An teenage "manager" dressed in a slinky evening dress on a Sunday afternoon approaches the waitress.

MANAGER :  We're going to give Ralf your section because we really need a hostess.

WAITRESS: Mmmm... I'd rather go home if you're giving my shift away. I'm OK working the door until you can get someone else here.

MANAGER: OK, we'll call someone.

An hour passes. The Waitress sees the Manager flirting with customers and a lot of sitting at the bar, but no dialling of those phone numbers. The Waitress is totally pissed. 

WAITRESS: I've been here for an hour now. Who do you have coming in?

MANAGER: We need you to work the door.

WAITRESS: I've given you enough time to cover for someone and now I'm going home. That's what I agreed upon. 

The teenage drag impersonator rolls her eyes.

MANAGER: Come sit down. We're going to have a talk. 

They sit.

MANAGER: I don't feel like you're much of a team player.

WAITRESS: You're absolutely right. I'm not here for you, I'm here to make money. I average $20/hour with my tips and you have me working the door which means I'm making minimum wage. That's not why I'm here.  

MANAGER: We needed someone to work the door.

WAITRESS: I was hired as a waitress, not a door ornament. Why didn't you ask Ralf to work the door instead of allowing him to steal my shift?

MANAGER: We can't have a man at the front door. When patrons come in they will assume he's the manager.

WAITRESS: (laughs) Are you kidding me? That is the most sexist thing I've ever heard.

MANAGER: It's not sexist, it's just how the world works.

Waitress' head explodes all over the idiot's sparkly gown, blood splatters the ceiling and chunks of brain fall into a customer's mushroom soup with a SPLOOSH.

The three brief months of being caught up in the Tornado of Hos flashes before the waitress' eyes. "I'm a feminist. How the hell did I end up here?" 

Because she was young and needed the money. She took the higher ground with the bullying, she laughed it off when her supervisor mentioned that she'd make more money if she went blonde because she could work in the lounge. She took it like a champ when a female bartender refused to make her drinks then called her a slut because apparently her boyfriend said she was smart. But interfere with the collection of her cash and the bitch is rolling outta here. 

WAITRESS: You know what, you're totally right. That's how your world works and I don't want any part of it. 

Exit waitress, with head held high and her stinky shoes abandoned on the top floor, to call all of her girlfriends to have a good laugh and remind them all that the good fight ain't over.

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