February 28, 2014

Kids Say The Darnedest Things

 If you're honest with yourself, children frighten you. And they should. It's no coincidence the masters of horror utilize children to bring out the goose-flesh (Think: The Shining, Insidious, The Omen, The Ring, The Poltergeist, The Exorcist...) Why are children so scary? Because they remember who they used to be.

The subject of reincarnation is often scoffed at, but when a child who still pisses their pants at night and can't draw within the lines starts giving you details of the plane they flew in WWII, you too will want to knock them over and yell, "Get behind thee, SATAN!" Thus I challenge your #YOLO and raise you a #WALA, because We All Live Again.




An overcast day in suburbia. A BABYSITTER unleashes her minion; a bright eyed five-year-old with blonde hair and bangs.  The kid is Tom Cruise side-kick adorable, incredibly smart, and full of that chaotic energy adults only manage to achieve with the assistance of methamphetamine. 

The playground is empty, so the child is free to roam anywhere she chooses, but the horses capture her attention. The kid jumps on the spring-loaded animal and for a full ten minutes - an impossible feat for ADD, which apparently all children have now - she rides like the wind. 

The springs screech. The child flies back and forth, nearly hitting the ground before her and behind. The Babysitter can't help but giggle nervously at this violent scene. The child lets out a determined growl, as though her will alone could bring the horse to life. 

Woah. Slow down!

The child tilts her head back and laughs, just dominating the spring. And as suddenly as this obsession began, it stops. The girl leaps off the horse and runs up the slide.

Wow Autumn, you really like the horses, huh?

Yeah! I used to have them, before I died in the fire.


When was that?

The child only responds with laughter, like it's the stupidest question in the world. The Babysitter wonders, "how could a child even know about death? Shit, this is creepy. Oh no... she's watching me, she can smell my fear!"

Ok! Lunch time! You want some cheese strings?


Good. Let's get the fuck out of here.

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