January 19, 2015

Alchemy


It's been hitting me lately. I've been soaring the high notes of purpose and possibility and trudging the dark depths of the nothing. I understand why Death and The Tower have been showing up so much. Like Jesus fuck January, pace yourself.

But you know what they say, no rest for the wicked. I've been up at 5am for intensive writing sessions to finalize my screenplay, apply for every grant known to man, and make space to begin the memoir with Momma Jane.
As some of you may already know, I've been invited to the Cannes Film Festival through the Creative Minds Program. It's pretty much the most awesome/terrifying thing. If I'm headed to France, I better learn to say something other than "mange de la merde!"

This amazing opportunity has really opened my eyes to how fear shows up in my life, as either that familiar wave of panic, or procrastination, or worst of all - the real dirty dirty - the fear that shows up like a rational decision when it's really self sabotage. I've been caught up in the WHY and the HOW and then negating the existence of this gift because it's not "realistic" or "probable" or "too soon." Which is a bizarre line of thinking when my entire existence has been an awe inspiring whirl of "how in the hell did this happen?" 

When I remind myself of how creative the universe is in bringing forth what I conjure, then I trust and trust me, when you follow the pull of your own heart, nothing is insurmountable. 

So I'm waking up, suiting up, showing up, working within the dark and the unknown, trying my best to embrace what arrives and let go of everything else. It's not easy. I'm grateful for my fellow creatives on the path and their encouragement and support - even their struggles. I needed the reminder to feel the fear and do it anyway. So thanks to everyone who has been singing that song for me. We shall see what happens next.
SHARE:

No comments

Post a Comment

© Scream Queen B . All rights reserved.
Blogger Designs by pipdig